Rick Sutcliffe's opundo  opundo   by
  Rick Sutcliffe


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How do we know God has a sense of humour? Read Genesis 1:27 and Mark 10:6.

Q. Where is baseball mentioned in the Bible?

A. Genesis 1:1 "In the big inning."

Q. What about smoking?

A. Ge 24:64 And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.

Q. Automobiles?

A. Ac 2:1 And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place.

Q. Who was the shortest man in the Bible?

A. Neither knee-high Miah nor Bildad the shoe-height, but the man who slept on his watch.

Q. Be serious for a moment. Are there any puns in the Bible?

A. The best pun in the New Testament is "You are Peter and upon this rock I will build my church." ("rocky"--Peter vs "the mountain"--Christ.)

The Llama


Ogden Nash

The one-L lama, he's a priest.

The two-l llama, he's a beast.

And I will bet a silk pajama,

There isn't any three-L lllama!

You can't take it with you

A wealthy man entreated the Lord repeatedly to be allowed to take something into the afterlife. In accord with Luke 11: 5-10, the Lord eventually granted his request. When the man died, he approached the pearly gates carrying a large briefcase. Peter stopped him of course.

"Can't bring anything in here. It's the rules."

"I've been granted an exemption."

A lengthy discussion follows, ending with Peter looking him up in the database. He is astonished to learn that indeed there has been an exception granted for this one fellow.

"It's highly irregular," he finally mumbles. "But you're right."

"Thanks," the man says, hefting his obviously heavy case.

"I'm curious to know what you've got in there," Peter asked.

The man opened the case and showed him a solid gold brick.

Peter looked up, more astonished than ever.

"Why would you bring a paving stone here?"

Gone fishing

A priest and a Baptist pastor invite the local rabbi to go fishing at their favourite spot, and spend a fine morning out on the lake, lines over the side of the boat, enjoying the day and each others' company so much, that in the style of all fishermen, they don't really care if they catch anything or not. After all, they can always pick something up at the supermarket on the way home. About noon, the priest pulls out his bag, then announces he has forgotten his lunch in the car. He vaults over the side of the boat, walks on the water to the shore and fetches it, walks back and re-enters the boat. At this point the pastor asks, "Did you bring the coffee thermos?" When it becomes apparent the priest forgot, the pastor also jumps over the side of the boat, walks on water to the parking lot and retrieves the missing elixir. The rabbi, noting all this, and grumbling silently to himself over the theological implications of what he has seen, finally offers a quiet prayer, announces that he, too, has left something of importance in the car, and, before either of his friends can stop him, steps out of the boat. He immediately sinks like a stone. Several minutes later, the others pull him in. He's sadly waterlogged, and unconscious from striking his head on an oar they had extended. After determining that he is, more or less, none the less worse for wear, the pastor turns to the priest. "Do you suppose," he asks thoughtfully," we oughta tell him about the rocks?"

Knock & the Door shall be opened to thee...

A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. At one house it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the pastor had knocked several times. Finally, the pastor took out his card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it, and stuck it in the door.

(Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him and him with me.)

The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the pastor's message was the notation "Genesis 3:10".

(I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.)

Is everything a joke?

By no means. There's nothing funny at all about disease and death. Both are caused by sin, and are part of the curse on all humankind because of sin. Unless a person is born again to new life in Christ in the here and now, there is nothing good to look forward to in the next life. However, Christ is the revelation of God (logos), the open door to a new life here and to eternal life with him in heaven. For more information, see the page Logos & Thura.

Like what you see? Want to exchange links? Want to contribute original or attributed material? Contact Us. If We use your material, We'll acknowledge the source. Offended by something here? Tell me why. I'll ask for a second opinion from a neutral party and if that person agrees, the item will be removed. But hey, don't take yourself too seriously. The world needs some levity.


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